Valis Returns Again

For those still reeling (or laughing hysterically) over the unfortunate news surrounding the Valis series and its clearly unsafe-for-work descent into porn, here's some shred of comfort: last year, Telenet made a Valis title for mobile phones. It's a side-scroller very much in the style of the 16-bit Valis games, with a gallery of all the outfits Yuko wore during the franchise's more pleasant days. It probably wasn't much of a hit, otherwise Telenet would've made another one instead of whoring out the Valis name to a porn developer.

Oh no! I'm late for RAPE CLASS!I can't make any rape jokes here, so I'll just point out that I learned about this game through Insert Credit. At the top: sailor suit, Valis suit, priestess robe, something that probably means MAGIC PANTS OF HORRIFYING RAPE, and China dress.

Cute and innocuous, the portable Valis: The Phantasm Soldier's homepage shows no signs of tentacles, violently coercive lesbian trysts, or horribly misplaced swords. Taking the current advancements of Japanese cell phones into account, I do think this could be a decent game.

But I also think that we should never, ever trust Telenet again.