You know, Sky Kid may be a horrible, boring, clunky, and rightly forgotten piece of Namco's arcade video game history, but somehow I can't help but dig it on a certain level. Maybe it's because all the cutesy biplane-base-bombing-action reminds me of some Japanese-produced war propaganda cartoon gone horribly wrong. Then again, maybe it has something to do with the fact that the main character is an anthropomorphic fucking sparrow, which makes me stiff with frenzied sexual excitement in all sorts of places. And then yet again, maybe it has something to do with the game's original arcade flyer.
Just look at that thing. Even if you're not exactly the kind of person to get all creamy in the pants from cartoon birdmen, you have to admit that flyer is... uh, something. I mean, it just screams THRILLING SKY FIGHTERS and RED BARON and BLUE MAX and BLACK HAWK and STUFF all up in your face, man. It's even got a credit for SCREEN PLAY (thanks, Mr. Hiro Compiler, wherever you are now) on it, so you can be sure some serious effort went into making sure this was a quality product. C'mon, I can't be the only one who's popped a boner over the coolness of this thing.
...
Yeah, it's a crappy game. But what really pisses me off is that the NES version changed Sky Kid into a fucking human.
Yeah, "Authentic Arcade Edition!" my fucking ass. Clearly, there was some subversive FURSECUTION goin' on at Sunsoft. No longer the stylish, thumbs-up-giving house finch he once was, Sky Kid has somehow been mutated into a typical high-flying Errol Flynn-wannabe. And, much like Errol Flynn, Sky Kid is now clearly some sort of Nazi terrorist, given that he appears to be holding back a smile at the sight of the horrible destruction that he's likely just caused, including the Statue of Liberty collapsing in a cloud of explosions. Goddamn you, Sky Kid, you fucking fascist pig. Goddamn you.
Oddly enough, this change only seems to apply to the American NES version of Sky Kid, as this shot of the likely-pirated Famicom version shows. This, I suppose, is just another example of why all white people should move to Japan and sell themselves into slavery to the far-superior Japanese.
Next: "Smart" ain't exactly the word.
