Our thin premise is this: Dead or Alive regular Zack has lured all of the women from the series to his private island with the promise of another fighting tournament. It's not evident why he bothered with such a setup (since he never actually interacts with any of the girls during the entire game), but the duped women decide to don swimsuits and make the most of their unintended tropical getaway.

Here, of course, the volleyball comes into play. Arranged much in the style of the NES classic Super Spike V-Ball, the Dead or Alive version of the sport uses only two buttons: one sets, the other immediately returns the ball. It's a simple method made taxing by the game's quick pace and emphasis on timing; split-second reactions are vital, and the furious back-and-forth motion of a match comes remarkably close to evoking the same rapid-fire aggression as the Dead or Alive fighting games.

Succeeding on the sand court, however, is only half of the game, as players need to find their selected character a suitable partner. Lisa, for one, will readily help you out, but other potential teammates often need gifts before they'll join. To this end, the island stores stock presents and swimwear for each character's personality and preferences. Hitomi's the spirited little tomboy, Kasumi's the shy ninja lass, Ayane is Kasumi's evil half-sister (with purple hair instead of a telltale goatee), Lei-Fang's the fiery Chinese high-kicker, Tina's the busty, overconfident American (and the most obvious fanboy bait --she even likes video games), Lisa is Zack's friendly, well-read sister, and Christie's the ice-queen assassin that nobody likes. Even with the more popular characters, it's often difficult to partner up, as I found when Hitomi spent nearly a week without being accepted. Poor Hitomi. I half-expected her to start talking to a pig's head on a stick.

Despite the “Volleyball” part, it's far more fitting to describe Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball as a vacation simulator. In addition to the v-ball areas and gift shops, the island hosts a poolside jumping contest and that most unoriginal of fun mini-games, the casino. Players will also find plenty of locations at which they'll just watch their chosen characters ride bikes, practice karate, swim through a gorgeous offshore seascape, or lounge about. These voyeuristic interludes come with full control of the camera, which allows all kinds of gratuitous zoom-ins.

Any game that permits close-up pans of bikini-clad polygon women is all but begging for criticism, yet Dead of Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball comes across as surprisingly harmless. Even with the jiggling chests and cute poses, things are ultimately no more suggestive than a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. Judging by the absence of any real nudity (and Tecmo's harsh reaction to the “nude hack” that's been developed by fans), it would seem that Team Ninja understands something that escaped the makers of BMXXX and other “adult” games: there's a line between alluring female forms and rank exploitation, and it's best that a game stays on the former side.

Dead of Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball further skirts true degradation by leaving its focus up to the player. If you've no interest in ogling nonexistent women, you can simply play volleyball, check out the casino games, and avoid the more obvious T&A. Or you can fill your viewpoint with every inch of a reclining Kasumi, watch Tina do poolside push-ups, or figure out how to get one of the ladies into the Venus bikini, which consists of approximately seven individual swimsuit molecules.

All prurience aside, the women look fairly impressive, with only the occasional polygon glitch. The backdrops of Zack Island are just as pretty, and the game's entrancing tropical atmosphere even approaches that of Chrono Cross at times. However, it's a bumpier experience with the soundtrack, for which Tecmo licensed music from Reel Big Fish, B*Witched, Christina Aguilera, and others. Aside from a nice Bob Marley tune that plays over the credits, the songs aren't particularly fitting, or good, for that matter. Fortunately, you're free to assemble another selection with the Xbox's CD ripper. You haven't truly heard the Pixies' “Here Comes Your Man” or the Avalanches' “Stay Another Season” until they've been set to a beach volleyball match.

The easygoing flow of the game can be a great diversion, but much like a vacation, it doesn't last. In short order the casino games loose their charm, every conversation between characters is surmised, and the fun of collecting items and swimsuits is exhausted. Only the volleyball elements stay interesting, and they have one glaring flaw: there's no four-player option. Had this been a PlayStation2 title, I could understand why it would permit two controllers at most, but there's no discernable reason to exclude a four-player feature on a machine that has four built-in controller ports. It's silly, it's lazy on Team Ninja's part, and it cripples the game's use at parties. Sega's Beach Spikers may be blander and slower, but at least it allows one player for each on-screen character.

This isn't the only case of Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball denying its own potential. Instead of hinging a volleyball partnership entirely on gift-giving, why not include detailed conversation scenes where your replies decide the outcome? Why isn't there an English voice track, or more spoken dialogue? You've hired the highly talented Kotono Mitsuishi for Christie's part, so let why not let her do more than deliver a few sentences? And if you're going to let players zoom in on the women, why not turn it into a photo shoot and thus couch a lurid element as a mini-game? Why not create individual endings for the characters in place of that stupid footage of Zack? And speaking of Zack, what's the point in recruiting Dennis Rodman to do his voice if he has only two complete lines in the entire game? Rodman's adoring public will surely be disappointed. And finally, why not include a “hotel arcade” full of classic Tecmo titles like Ninja Gaiden and Rygar? I'm reaching with that last one, but there's still so much that could have been accomplished here.

While Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball may be the quick and suggestive cash-in that we all expected, it's also an entertaining little excursion that's unlikely to offend anyone. There's enough honest enjoyment here to supply a week-long rental, and the laid-back charm of it all may be worth revisiting from time to time. It's inconsequential and short-lived fluff, yet Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball remains a guilty pleasure that's less guilty and more pleasant than it first appears.

C+

Prairie Dogmatic

Behold the most brilliant psychological symbolism ever seen in a video game.

Two theories have been put forth thus far. One posits that the prairie dog belongs to Zack. In Dead or Alive 2 Hardcore for the PlayStation2, he is seen adopting a prairie dog and naming it “Tina” after the object of his affection.(This may not have been a particularly bright move. Prairie dogs don't make good pets and have been known to carry the Bubonic Plague.) Such a solution would be best under Occam's Razor, but it's been contradicted by none other than Team Ninja's Tomonobu Itagaki, who has remarked in interviews that the prairie pup represents Tina's father, Bass, and his intent to protect his daughter from Zack's attentions.

Either idea is credible, but it's my belief that this inquisitive little furball signifies something less obvious. Like a conversation about God once held by the cast of Chrono Trigger, the prairie dog in Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball is a rorschach test for the person playing. Just as the prairie dog watches from the sidelines with undefined intent, so does the audience. Is the creature gazing upon the girls out of lechery? Disdain? Curiosity? Amusement? Your answer will reveal more about you than it will about anything in the game.